Let The Wind Blow Where It Wishes

High upon the stormy sea, my vessel is blown hither and thither, seemingly helpless and ready to topple over and sink. Yet I know it is not so by the miracle of Your invisible arm upholding me. Where, oh Lord, are you taking me? I believe you have a destination in mind. When will we get there, Father? Is this the destination? To be always in the midst of the storms of life and yet always be at rest in Christ alone? No, it is not so. There will be a time when You will bring me to other vessels in the midst of their storms. But right now, I must be broken of my trust in what is seen.

If I am to suffer affliction after affliction in my soul and flesh in this season, let it be so. I desire to do your will. Not my will, not my soul’s desires, not this body’s desires, but only what your Holy Spirit desires. Lord, let all the breakers and waves sweep over me. I will glory in you and in the power and victory of the cross. Let my parents forsake me, let poverty come to me, let all the world abandon me as refuse, let friends depart, let all worldly things go, if that will glorify your name. What do I care if I am unknown or thrown away? Does the world dictate my value? Does my relations dictate who I am? Am I not Your Son? If so, nothing else matters.

Lord, do violence to my self-love and selfishness. I still love myself too much to obey Your Will and know it in its fullness. Why am I easily offended or hurt? Let it not be so. Increase my capacity for graciousness. Give me even more humbling situations in which my patience and graciousness is tested. Give me wisdom that I may bring honor to Your name by my words and my deeds. As long as I can testify to your power, do what you will. Yet, Lord, not I, but your grace working in me, can do this. I cannot in myself live this life with boldness or faith, unless you work this in me. I wait, oh Lord, for greater filling, greater spiritual capacity for self-denial and suffering. Let me share in your death that I may obtain an even greater resurrection. Give me fullness of life in yourself. That is the only life that matters, the uncreated eternal life of God. Let this be the life I live. Not my own life. Help me to know you in the fellowship of your sufferings that I may also share in the fellowship of your glory. Oh, how vast and great is your Holiness displayed! What a worm I am before Your throne.

The storms have been sweeping endlessly through my soul these past weeks. You have brought all the dark froth from the depths of my heart to the fore – the pride, the envy, the jealousy, the ugly sinful nature that dwells  in my flesh, the deep things I have not thought of. Yet my anchor holds within the veil. You exercise complete authority in my spirit. You lead me in victory against the flesh. How powerful is Your Spirit that dwells in me. I laugh and scorn my sufferings and fears. They are as nothing before Your power. How great it is. May You continue to keep me in Your grace. I wish for nothing more than greater victory at the foot of the cross. I welcome all your humblings of my soul. This pain is nothing if I can gain you. It is nothing if it will only cause my spirit to be strengthened, to discern what is of the flesh and what is of you. To know you deeper in fellowship…. There is no greater joy. Let it be so more and more. God, destroy all temptation to self-pity! Let the lies of the enemies be completely destroyed. The one who does your will lives forever. All fleshly desires pass away. Let me not love anything of this world. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides You. Though my heart and flesh may fail, You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever. By Your grace, fulfill all your designs in me, for the glory of Your name, and the building up of Your Body.

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