Glass Cut

Like a glass cut, at first I did not feel anything. I thought I was fine. Now, I see the wounds are much deeper than I imagined. I am so weak, so worthless, so unable.

No answers, no clear answers were found for what happened. No clear answers given. The sad truth was, the heart was deceitful and my love was thrown down as quickly as it was picked up. The reasons given were strange, seemingly selfish, better off not knowing, a balm that fails to heal.

Deceived, defrauded! Alas, my heart cries out for wrath and rage. My mind screams the question, why? It pours out contempt and yet the spirit silently cries, no, no, I am also at great fault. Saved by grace. It is not mine to judge or to condemn and it is not within my control. Perhaps, I misunderstood. Perhaps perhaps.

The emotions continue to pour out like a flood, unreasonable, exaggerated. Oh, alas, the humanity of it all. The imprudence that began all this has sadly ended with more imprudence.

May the Lord forgive me and quickly grab a hold of me for I am faint and weary from being human, from being blind and foolish. Where can I go?

No longer, no longer shall I ever put my confidence in the flesh, so my heart says. Deceitful heart! So you say it today, yet, watch you change tomorrow! Fickle fickle heart, self-righteous heart, how dare you blame others when you yourself deceived me so. Fickle heart, was it not you who said, look, I am content!

Deliver me, oh Lord, from my own hypocrisy. Give me grace to forget myself and to remember Christ and all His gracious acts. Lead me before the throne of grace where I may kneel and be silent. All this is not mine to own, not mine to keep. You alone uphold me. In You alone is there love. So, let me abide in You and rest my soul there. No other place can I find refuge from the storm. Lead me to say that to live is Christ and to die is gain.

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