Note #1

New category: Notes: Personal – Purpose: not targeted at anyone. Written for general record of what went on through a day that I feel important to remember.

 

Dead tired by end of day today. Felt utterly inadequate dealing with father in the morning. Though nothing “wrong” on the surface since I spoke to him as I usually do, Holy Spirit rebuked me heavily.

Same when I met with my mother. Holy Spirit kept rebuking me throughout the whole day. If I spoke one word not in dependence upon the Spirit, I was rebuked. If I was silent when I should have spoken, I was rebuked. I really have too much pride and lack humility in my ways. I don’t even know how to listen to the Spirit at times. So much more prayer and time needed in communion with God!

I am really thankful the Holy Spirit is there to keep watch over my wicked self and keep me from becoming overtly conceited. If only I heed His warnings before I act or speak! Nevertheless, His grace and His rebukes, they keep me running back to Him. For I can only find refuge in Him.

Wanted to pray, ever since last night’s train ride back home. Burning desire for God to change me. Burning desire for Him to show Himself to my parents. Burning desire for Him to clarify all the mess in my life, but felt very confident that He has what is best for my life.

Felt a need to pray for greater zeal, an all-consuming zeal for His House rather than for my own selfish ends. Yes, may His Kingdom be strengthened, protected, expanded….

Felt great trust and faith in Him in regards to a variety of things. Amazing, unexplainable peace to the point that I tasted perfection in contentment today, despite discouraging circumstances. If this was a taste, I cannot imagine the fullness of such a fellowship with Him…

Must be amazing.

Still, I only have a taste and it is constantly being broken due to my weak faith and disobedience. Must pray much more and exercise this faith so it may be strengthened in Him. How greatly dependent I am upon His mercy. May He grant me more faith!

 

 

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