Sharing #17 – Admitting Ignorance

I’m very ignorant of what the Lord wants. I knew this but to know it in daily experience is distressing to my soul. Something that I’ve been realizing is there are many, many things that I decide upon my own feelings, desires, and whims. And because I am not spiritual, my judgments of myself, my friends, my relationships etc. are often wrong and deceptive.

They are not necessarily His Will but He still conforms my actions toward His purposes and thus, toward His Will.

And this to me is very much part of grace. He can easily kick me out of His plans if He chose to due to my own rebellious ways and my imperfections and my inability to recognize His voice. But He hasn’t. He is still doing His part to open my heart to Him, to open my mind to Him, to strengthen the new spirit He has given to me so that I may be restored to Him and follow wholeheartedly after the Holy Spirit.

And I say this not in a vacuum but in respect to the whole Body of Christ.

To realize His love for me, my heart just flutters. To see how gracious and patient He is in opening my eyes to His ways, even if I am only catching very tiny glimpses right now, is amazing for me.

I realize I am easily filled. My capacity for God is still too small. May God enlarge my heart so more of His love may fill me! (I say this, not only to myself but to all in Him).

So, I desire to throw out all prior knowledge and prejudices that I may have had without definite inquiry and approval from Him. And approval from Him requires drastic amounts of time to be spent with Him. Waiting on Him, praying to Him. And the sweetness of it is great. The blessings are to me, great enough to overcome all my emptiness and make me forget all my troubles, realizing He is my portion forever.

The only firm, eternal actions are those taken after I gain faith in prayer and whole reliance on Him. For I know, there is this incomprehensible peace that is attained from sitting in front of utter darkness in my innermost being, only waiting for His light. When I see a glitter of light from Him, then, I know. His revelation has come. Though I understand it not at the moment with my mind, I can move throughout the day with the sense of peace that He is with me and has given what the Holy Spirit has asked on my behalf.

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