Sharing #7

So thankful that I’m done with the internship. Was listening to Keith Green’s short message and it struck me, this part especially (targeted toward Christians who know full well what the Lord desires):‎

“You don’t want to turn them (i.e. friends, family, relatives) off. You don’t want to make them feel like you’re trying to get them saved so you don’t and so they go to hell. And I’m asking you, what are you giving them in return? A cool friendship? I rather have people hate me and acknowledge that I tried to save them.” ~Keith Green

There are many assumptions that Keith makes in the quote and this quote is directed only at believers. If you misread his intentions, you’ll misapply the quote (especially what it means to try to save someone). I do not wish to go into detail what those assumptions are so I’ll assume you know what they are and stop digressing.

I constantly have a need to pray for boldness and for the Spirit to work. I haven’t been doing this and my prayers are rather cold and insincere recently. I lament it quite often. The Lord has been good, yet I have been terrible, insincere, impatient, and fleshly even. Selfish to the core, I am and this I hate immensely.

I shared indeed with many people before the internship started. Yet, if I do not rely on the Spirit, my boldness to speak well of Him becomes timid or my words becomes lacking in love and grace. I am a naturally anxious and timid person. Without the Lord, I cannot indeed, be whatever He desires me to be or carry out the Holy desires He has placed in me.

I have a heart to do missions but I laugh at how ill-prepared I am to even do this and I am glad it is so! All the more glory to Him as He shows me how He is changing me. During high school, I was too scared to do missions. I always imagined myself as someone who would earn a wage and give my money to someone else to do missions. This train of thought continued onto college until this year. Then, I began to realize… every believer is a missionary. Every believer takes up the role of a representative and ambassador of God, wherever they are. Every believer are princes and priests, offering up prayers to the Lord, offering up sacrifices, pleading with the King, dining with the King… etc.

So, it is no longer just “Thy kingdom come, thy will be done” in the vague sense and without meaning. It is, “Thy kingdom that I have come to love deeply, thy will that is sweet music to my ears,” YES, I WANT your kingdom to come and your will to be done for I love You Lord because You have first loved me and have revealed that to me!

Nothing else quite matters to me any more. At least, that is my sentiment and my desire now. I cannot say the Lord has conquered all of me but He has conquered more of me than what He conquered in the year before. Quite a lot more, I must say!

While I feel the pain of my trials and tribulations and while I am quite keen at feeling the weaknesses within me, they do not take away my desire to be holy so that I may draw near Him. I shall not grumble about them for all grumbling and complaining hurts the Lord’s feelings. How horrible that would be! To distrust Him as to grumble under the weight of my fleeting trials! Let me go to Him rejoicing and asking for strength to overcome such trials rather than grumble!

God is good. I look forward to these five days of rest and study to refresh myself more fully in Him before going back to school. Praise Him forever!


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