Sharing #1

The reason we do not often receive direct revelations from God is because we are full of self. We resist His revelations for it is often against our nature, ambitions, senses, or emotions.

We love to rebel for it has been ingrained in our nature. That is why the Spirit within us war against the flesh. It is not us who war against the flesh for we are weak and helpless. It is the Spirit, i.e. God who dwells in us that does so.

There are some things in my life that I simply know will happen through the revelation of the Spirit though I do not wish to believe in them due to my sinful nature’s influence on my mind and my heart. I know they are His Will but my heart just feels too pained to allow His Will to be done. And so I sometimes become paralyzed for there are two forces within me struggling for control. Eventually, He will take drastic measures to ensure victory.

If I was an obedient son, I would do as my Father does. But I do not, so how can He entrust me with any tasks He wish to complete on earth? No, He will not call me to do anything until He has disciplined me and made me fully obedient to Him alone. For even if He did hand me those tasks, I would twist them to my own selfish ends if it were not for His discipline. Thus, I must be broken completely. The best thing I can offer as a sacrifice to Him is a broken spirit, a broken heart, and tears.

Many believers only have the foundation of Christ in their life but they rarely build anything eternal on that foundation. Whatever they build, they often build with poor materials that will be burned to ashes when God’s fire comes upon them. Yes, many will only escape the flames with their own souls. To truly build gold and precious stones upon the foundation, one needs to know God’s eternal purposes and designs. One needs to have an intimate relationship with God first and foremost. And this kind of relationship, I find in many saints but too few in proportion to the population of believers.

As I look to Christ, I find myself at a loss. Though He was feeling great distress, He continued to confirm that the Father’s Will shall be done. He poured His heart out to God. The disciples would never understand, only God knew of His burdens. His intimate and close relationship with God was obvious and it was a relationship that was stronger than the strongest earthly relationships.

Though I long so much to find comfort perhaps in pouring out my heart here on this blog or to someone else due to my weak flesh, I know that this is useless and even sinful for only He can grant me strength. My spirit often restrains me from revealing anything at all. Only He can sustain me through my troubles and afflictions and only He can show me what must be done despite myself. For He wishes to have my heart and soul. He wishes to be the closest being to me.

And now I am starting to want this close relationship with Him more and more. Why is that? Not because of myself or anything on my account. No, it is only because of His ordering and His relentless pursuit of me. If He had not taken away all my friends and all my relationships, I would have never fully turned myself to Him alone albeit quite reluctantly. If He had not sent my mother away, I would have depended on her love. If He had not broken my family apart, I would have come to rely on them for emotional support. If He had not prevented spiritual brothers from coming near me and encouraging me, I would not have run to Him.

[To be more accurate, He has allowed certain people to come into my life but only so very briefly so that I would not come to depend upon them. Rather, those periods caused me to run to Him even more after He withdrew their encouragements. Everything He does, He does to remind me that I can only rely on Him. Everything He does, He does to show me that I am a stranger in this world and that I shall never find my home nor my rest here. He does much to show me that I can never trust even myself and my heart. Only Him. I can only abide in Christ and walk by the Spirit in obedience to the Father.]

And obedience to Him leads to life.

So it goes. I am glad for I find that even the bad times in my life contain much of His goodness and love.

Praise be to Him forever.

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